Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
