we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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