Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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