The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pooping to opera.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
