mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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