you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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