our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize