Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
