do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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