No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
