i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
