woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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