She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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