Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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