I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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