i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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