I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
