All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
