i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Buhtt sex?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
