Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
