I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The uberlube is also flammable
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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