Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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