I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
