I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize