Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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