My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
