used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
