i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
