wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
