I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im part way to drunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
