we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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