every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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