I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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