Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
