this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
