Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
