I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize