i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
