apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
