Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
