at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
