I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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