i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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