We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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