Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
