the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
