If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
