He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
