Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
