Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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