only you would photoshop your dick
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
