I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
