You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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