Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize