I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
