good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
tell me about the eggs
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