I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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