shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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