listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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