Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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