imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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