I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize