You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
