So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
