Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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